Texts Recently Over the Wire
Whenever I turn off my Kindle the screen repetitively asks, “Who’s afraid of the big bad Virginia Woolf and Emily Dickinson?” I am, Kindle.
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I've been waiting 7 months for my surprise birthday party. Whoever is planing it sure knows how to create suspense.
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What if god was just Drew Carey hosting Who’s Line Is It Anyway? Good news, sinners! The points don’t matter.
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My Angry Birds technique involves a lot of first try-missedher abortions.
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Neighbor: I heard you smooching on someone last night. Me: That was just me sucking the insides out of a pizza roll. :(
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I think you can really cut down on the cost of murder by killing people with something other than a bag full of money.
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When my mom eventually divorces my dad she will change her name to SuSans Bilbrey.
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Being born is probably the easiest way to ensure that you're going to die.
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Using shower gel that contains menthol is just like getting your balls licked by the Double Mint Twins.
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